So I've noticed a bit of a trend.. People seem to really enjoy my posts where I'm telling someone off. It's cool and all and the adrenalin rush is amazing but I wasn't always quite that vicious.. Well, verbally anyway.
However, there was this one time back in first grade, if I remember correctly, where I got in trouble for not smiling. You probably think I'm making this up, but I swear this actually happened!
Once upon a time there lived a very weird, "emotionally illiterate" little girl named Bridget. She did not like one of the assisting duty teachers that worked in the cafeteria. She always thought that she made this fact very clear to the duty teacher, considering Bridget growled at the duty teacher whenever she walked by or tried to talk to her. Not talking about a little noise of displeasure, I'm talking about a full on rabid animal snarl of hatred and death. (Yeah the story format was fun but I'm just going to switch over now.. Sorry.)
One day at lunch I was calmly sat there with my little lunch box eating a sandwich minding my own little first grade business, when the duty teacher I hated came up to me. Now, I've got nothing against a person's appearance, it does not effect my feelings towards anyone, but this woman was so badly fake tanned with the craziest, obviously bleached hair I've ever seen. She had disgustingly long fake nails that freaked me out, and she was called BARBIE. And she walks up to me and says,
"Hello Bridget! You don't look very happy! Why aren't you smiling?"
"...Because I'm not and I don't want too?"
"Why aren't you happy? Little girls are supposed to be happy! Smile!"
"I hate school. I don't want to smile."
"Why not? Little girls are supposed to smile ALL THE TIME!!"
"I don't want to smile."
"Smile!"
"I. Don't. Want to."
"Bridget, smile right now."
"I said NO!" I shouted. Out of frustration I punched my lunchbox.
She looked pissed. Really pissed. WICKED PISSED.
"Stand up. Right now."
"Why?"
"Because you're going to the office!"
"But why?? I didn't do anything!" I started crying. Everyone was staring at me, I was embarrassed, upset, and overwhelmed. I had never gotten in trouble before.
"Pack up your things, let's go!" She yelled.
I packed up the rest of my lunch, and stood up.
"Well? Start walking!"
Suddenly hit with a new wave of confidence, I shouted "No! I didn't do anything wrong! Leave me alone!"
My confidence left again once that mean lady with the long, fake fingernails grabbed my wrist and started to drag me out of the cafeteria into the hallway. She let me go, and I tried to run away. She grabbed me again as I kicked, screamed, and cried all the way into the principal's office.
Now, the principal at the elementary school at this point knew my mother and I very well. I never got into trouble but she knew about some of my issues. She and my mom were more or less friends. When Barbie dragged me in there I was terrified. I had heard about other kids who got sent to the office, their parents were called and got mad at them. I was so scared that my parents were going to kill me I probably looked like a hot mess. When Barbie told the story of what happened, the principal smiled. She sent me outside her office so I could sit in one of the really big comfy chairs outside and finish my lunch. I could hear the principal laughing at Barbie and sending her away. She then called my mom, the one thing I was terrified of the most, and also started laughing while telling the story. At that moment I was mad that everyone was laughing at the humiliating and horrible day I was having, but looking back I completely understand. That lady was batshit crazy. Trying to tell me to smile.. Bitch, please.
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Bridget's words of wisdom for today (THIS COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE):
This little girl doesn't smile all the time. You know what she does do? She does think you're a fucking idiot.
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