"The Secret Perks of Single Girls!"

I realize it's been a while but what can I say? Life happened, as it often does.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am outraged. I was reading an issue of Seventeen Magazine and there was a specific article in it that absolutely disgusted me. This article was about the "secret perks" of being a single teenage girl.
This article had little stories from "real teenage girls" about how their lives are so much better after breaking up with their boyfriends. One girl talked about how she was with her boyfriend constantly for the first two weeks of college so she did not make any friends, but once they broke up she was able to be "a better friend".
Are you actually shitting me? Are "real teenage girls" in fact so obsessed with boys that they can't even focus on connecting with anyone else? Really? This is the message you want to give to younger readers? The message that if you have a boyfriend you can't be a good friend because you have to spend all of your time with him?
I have a very close friend who has been in a relationship with another friend of mine for over a year now. Not only are they both still very good friends with me and several other people, but if the three of us are together, they make sure that I do not feel like a third wheel by including me in conversations to the point of making inside jokes with me. They have a HEALTHY relationship which allows them to have other friends besides each other. They still spend a large amount of time together, but they can still "be a good friend" because they still have good friends! Instead of glorifying the idea of a boyfriend maybe we should be providing these young adults with information on how to manage a healthy relationship.
I find it extremely insulting that they also included "Skip shaving your legs for a week!" as one of the perks. Let me make this as clear as I possibly can,

YOU.

DO NOT.

HAVE TO.

CHANGE ANYTHING.

ABOUT YOUR BODY.

THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO.

IN ORDER TO PLEASE SOMEBODY ELSE.


If your partner demands you to shave something, have something removed, dye your hair, lose weight, get a piercing, wear certain clothes, or something else you do not want to change about your body, YOU SHOULD NOT BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT PERSON.

This magazine geared towards young women contains a few articles about "how to get killer confidence" and all this cliche bullshit about accepting yourself as yourself, while the vast majority of the magazine is centered around the usual beauty industry formula of getting women to buy their products.

passive aggressive exaggeration of a beauty "flaw" + impossible standard reinforcement with fake photos - women's self esteem + fake solution = $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ for the beauty industry

If have or know someone who has a teenage girl, I highly recommend checking out her magazines so you can see for yourself the kind of ridiculous bullshit that is being shoved down her throat.

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No words of wisdom right now all I can say is UGH

How dare you: a story of victim blaming

How dare you.

There is this girl at school, lets call her Tracey, and she's new this year. She came a few months ago and INSTANTLY started shit. she was kicked out of her old because of her viciously beating other students and being generally unpleasant. However, she claims to have been bullied when she herself was in fact the bully.
Monday, she had a face to face confrontation with another girl, lets call her Jenny. I like Jenny. She's very nice.
Tuesday, Tracey's boyfriend, let's call him John, subtweets about Jenny. Then Tracey subtweets about Jenny. Jenny subtweets back. Then Tracey flips shit and starts a massive twitter bitch fight.
Wednesday, John and Tracey are constantly harassing Jenny via twitter, text, and to her face.
Thursday, Jenny gets suspended for two days.

Yes, you did read that correctly, JENNY, aka the victim, was suspended.

HOW. DARE. YOU.
HOW DARE YOU PUNISH THE VICTIM. HOW DARE YOU LET THE BULLIES OFF THE HOOK ON ONLY THE BASIS THAT THEY HAVE PRIVATE TWITTER ACCOUNTS.
BECAUSE THIS INNOCENT BULLYING VICTIM DID NOT CHECK A BOX.
BECAUSE THIS INNOCENT BULLYING VICTIM DEFENDED HERSELF.
SHE GETS SUSPENDED FOR TWO DAYS.
And the bullies get away again.
How fucking DARE you do this, administration. How the fuck am I suppose to believe this is a "safe learning environment" when you BLAME AND PUNISH THE VICTIM. how fucking DARE you expect everyone to be okay with this. How fucking DARE you think that victim blaming is appropriate. How. Fucking. DARE. you let those two bullies walk away with a smile and pat on the shoulder and suspend the victim.
On top of that, how DARE you suspend another girl, an innocent girl, simply because she said something that you interpreted to be in regards to the twitter fight.
Instead of punishing the bullies that harassed Jenny for a week, telling her that she is fat, disgusting, worthless. Calling her a bitch and a pathetic wannabe slut. Threatening her. You chose to suspend the VICTIM and her friend because they fought back and had open accounts. Even after reading the tweets and texts sent by the bullies. After screenshots were taken and printed out.
HOW DARE YOU.

#bustygirlproblems

That's right ladies and gentlemen. I have fucking HUGE tits. It's sure as fuck isn't a secret, they're kind of noticeable. Just kind of.

 I was measured roughly a month ago and as it turns out I was NOT the 40D-DD my mother assured me I was, oooohhhh no. Oh nonononono.

My name is Bridget, I am fifteen years old, and I am a 38G.

I was absolutely terrified to find that out. The nice lady who measured me left the room without telling me my size, and returned with some bras. I tried one on and it felt amazing. My back was already in less pain! So I checked the size and almost screamed..

Why oh god why.

I've been busty my entire life. I got my boobs at the tender age of 9, but refused to wear a bra until the end of fifth grade when I was almost a C cup.. Horrible mistake by the way I regret it so much..

The reason I'm making this post is because of an incident that happened yesterday at a surprise party thrown by two of the bitches in my friend group for the third bitch.

I went out in a blizzard to sit in a room for two hours to pretend to be happy while having glitter thrown at me by people I don't even like and be insulted and made fun of.. We played a few games including a question game wh everyone sat in a circle and asked questions. You couldn't answer the
questions or pause, so you asked as weird questions as possible to throw off everyone. I was not the only one victimized by this game.. While the constant stream of "why are Bridget's boobs so big?"




And "are Bridget's boobs real?" And "what do you think is hiding in Bridget's cleavage today?" And "do you think someday Bridget's boobs will grow so big that she'll snap in half?" All made by the same three people wasn't enough to piss me off, they attacked three of my real friends with a single question. One of those bitches turned to my very shy and painfully awkward friend Paul and said "Laura or Adele?"

Laura and Adele (not their real names obviously I'm not a twat..) are two of my real friends that Paul (again, fake name.. All the names are fake!) has had the courage to talk to me about because he's had crushes on both of them in the past.

Completely humiliated, Paul stood up from the group, his face completely red, and ran away
muttering 'I don't want to play anymore'. He hid in the kitchen for about 20 minutes before I went after him. Figured he needed some time to cool off. I found him sitting on the floor in the corner behind a chair and a pile of bags of chips, staring at the wall. It took a while to get him to come back out and even longer to get him to play another game. This game was a description game where people write down words or names of things and put them in a cup. Everyone gets a partner and the partners have a minute to get as many of the words right without saying the word and blah blah blah it's a dumb game. The three bitches wrote all of the words and when the cup was passed to my friend Austin, he suddenly got mad. He ripped up the piece of paper and started yelling about how whatever the bitches wrote was really mean and uncalled for.

They wouldn't tell me what it specifically said, but it had to do with my fucking chest..

And then there was the bit where it was the bitches turn (they were a group of three.. How fucking precious..) and their first phrase to describe was "Paul loves Adele" which meant another 45 minutes in the kitchen while Laura and Adele sat there very uncomfortable for the second time..

And after the party there was several hours of trying to patch together the self esteem of a 16 year old boy.. But that's a different blog post for a different day..

Those bitches have been making fun of my chest for years. It has come to a point where I see my brasize and want to cry. I feel disgusting. I feel like a freak. I can't do anything about it! I can't hide them, trust me, I've tried. I can't get a reduction this young, and homicide is unfortunately illegal...

People say that it's just because they're jealous, but that's just fucking ridiculous..

They are literally jiggling sacs of fat that make milk. Nothing to be jealous of especially considering all the bad things that come with them. You know what? Here's a list.

Back pain
Boob sweat
Achy breasts
Stretch marks from boob growth spurts (the only growth spurts I get.. Fml..)
Sagging
Granny bras at 13
Strapless dresses
Oversexualization
Being called a whore
Being judged for wearing a low cut shirt or dress
Unable to wear horozontal stripes (makes them look bigger)
Unable to wear turtle necks (makes them look bigger)
Banging self conscious about clothes stretching
Being unable to hug small children properly/ without being called a pedo
Everyone asking to touch them
People not thinking they're real just because you're a teenage girl and apparently dumb bitches like to put things in there to make them bigger like what what were you thinking go reevaluate your life
Your waist is one size, your boobs are another..
Running
Sports bras never work
 special bras are expensive as fuck
Button down shirts never work
Waist belts more like boob shelves
Food in your bra
Finding food in your bra that you weren't even eating..
Babies and toddlers always tryin to cop a feel..
Slimy teenager boys and old men always tryin to cop a feel..
People using you as a pillow
Being unable to hold a baby properly
Bathing suits don't support enough
Being unable to sleep on your front
Not being able to see your feet
Not being able to tie your shoes
Boob sunburns
Animals stepping on your boobs
Necklaces getting caught in your cleavage
Straps digging into your shoulders
Messenger bags
Bad posture
The magnetic attraction between your boobs and flat surfaces
People can't put their heads in your lap without suffocating
Gay men like to poke them
Gay women definitely like to poke them..
Can't lean over without hitting someone with your tits
Padded bras
Bras without underwire
Boob spillage
Being unable to cross your arms
And the list just keeps going...

I'm incredibly insecure about my chest..

Please stop sending me information about breast reduction surgery.. Please stop making comments about my inevitable cleavage.. Please stop trying to force me to wear more 'conservative' clothing.. Please stop making jokes about it.. Please stop telling people how you could get lost in my breasts.. Please stop telling me that they're doing it just because they're jealous. They're not. Trust me..

Clique anarchy

As a fifteen year old who has spent her entire life being called 'emotionally illiterate', 'abnormal', 'socially awkward', 'socially anxious', and just plain fucking weird, I have been forced to partake in studying my fellow adolescents in a sad attempt to 'conform' to their 'normal' way of living and thinking. Not as individuals, but as tribes, or 'cliques'.

For the last few years I've had a fairly large group of friends. I go to a very small school of roughly 300 kids total, so stereotypical cliques are usually pretty rare. My main social group this year contains a rough total of about 14 people. Now, in this social group, there are smaller subsections of friends. For example, I've mentioned the rather bitchy actions of certain members of the main 14 who I personally do not lable as my 'friends', those three are their own little unholy trinity of hormonal rage and Degrassi-esque drama. Another group of three are the girls who are rather intolerant and ignorant in many of their political views, and are not ashamed to say it. However, they possess no information or explanation as to WHY they feel this way. And even if they do, they'd refuse to express it. So, instead of handling this responsibly, they go around shouting this like 'ROMNEY 2012' and 'LOL OBAMA THINKS HE'S GONNA WIN CUZ HE'S LYKE BLACK' 'OBAMAS A TERRORIST' 'OBAMACARE IS THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN TO THIS COUNTRY LIKE EVER.' 'NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOUR DEMOCRAT SHIT, ROMMMMNNNNEYYY FO PREEEZZZZ'

Which, first of all, honey, people most certainly do give a shit her considering this is mother fucking Massachusetts.

But I digress..

They are their own group of antisocial intolerant people who are fine to speak with as long as it has nothing to do with sex, politics, health, social issues, gay people, education, the future, jobs, driving, college, America, other countries, or anything that isn't Justin bieber..

Again.. Not really labeled as friends..

Then there are the boys! Yes, there are four interesting gentlemen out of the 14 bastards I'm associated with. We've got the emotionally stunted, sardonic, testosterone filled, raging athlete, the socially awkward, brooding, egotistical musical protégé, the weird skinny one who we're pretty sure is gay, and the adorable 'chexican' (half Chinese half Mexican) panda who eats everyone's food, makes a lot of funny comments, and is willing to listen to you rant about how much you hate everything. The boys, however, do not talk to each other unless they're doing a group activity with the rest of us. They don't hang out just the four of them, they barely talk to each other. Which doesn't sound too bad to be honest, but it makes certain females uncomfortable.. And then use it as an excuse to get very snugly with them and it makes everything awkward and ew.

And then there's where I fit in. I am one of another group of four. This group contains myself, my oldest friend, two other girls who are each other's oldest friends. We've bonded over our love of food, culture, books, music, travel, and our mutual hatred of everyone else.

So yes. That is my life.. The 10 girls have one monthly fight (can't imagine why..) about how we all hat each other, everything gets ignored, and eventually were all just goin got self destruct and frankly I will enjoy watching it because I stopped giving a shit long, long ago.

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So yeah. Misanthropy combined with teenage angst. Love it.
-Bridget

As you can probably tell, I sass teachers a lot.

Quick little story of my 7th grade sass..

I'm in Massachusetts, which means we take the MCAS test. When certain MCAS scores are low, schools freak out to try to improve them. When I was in 7th grade, the math scores were low. So we had to go 1 full hour math practice sessions per day in addition to our normal math classes, which were to give us extra homework for practice. Finally I just couldn't take it anymore. I said to my teacher, who was running the math practice session,

"Excuse me, but instead of thinking that the low scores is a result of students not getting enough math work, did anyone over there ever think that maybe it's inadequate math teachers?"

Yeah I got into a bit of trouble.. Just a bit.. Considering the teacher was an English teacher..

-
Words of wisdom? Shit.. Uhh..

Fuck censorship.

That's good.. Yeah.

K bye.
-Bridget

Who has bad teeth and can't tell right from left? MY GYM TEACHER!

Allow me to set the scene. A class of twelve 15-16 year olds are sat in the center circle of their high school gymnasium after the floors have been smoothed and polished for the upcoming basketball season. A large, cranky, old woman with a mouth full of rotten teeth and a heart that only softens when it comes to boys' varsity sports, looms over the students. She hands them each a blank piece of lined paper.

She instructs them to write their names on the top line.

Each student writes his or her name on the top left of the paper on the line.

She then tells them to write the date in the top right corner of the paper.

Each student writes the date in the corner opposite their name.

And then,

Without warning,

ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.

She begins to scream at the students,

'ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!?! YOU ARE ALL SOPHOMORES IN HIGH SCHOOL!! YOU WROTE THE DATE ON THE LEFT!!!'

We politely and calmly tried to tell her she was wrong, but she wouldn't listen. She screamed and screamed, her face growing more and more red with frustration.

Realizing the stupidity of the argument was too great for any of them to handle, the students 'fixed' their papers and spent the rest of class mocking her loudly.

'HEY, WHAT SIDE IF THE GYM ARE YOU ON?' 'WHICH WAY DO I TURN?' 'AM I RIGHT HANDED OR LEFT HANDED??' 'HOW DO I DIRECTION...' 'IM CONFUSED ARE WE ON THE EAST OR THE WEST COAST?' 'DOES THIS MEAN DOWN IS UP??'

-
Yeah. High school. Sometimes it's the students who are dumb, sometimes it's the teachers.

Deep question for tonight,

What's the difference between right and left?

A single girl's guide to breaking up!

I've never had a boyfriend, girlfriend, or any form of romantic relationship. But apparently I know more about them than some those who have.

I mean, I've also never had a pet turtle, but that doesn't mean I don't know about turtles. I like turtles.

Due to resent events in the future stand up comedy routine that is my life, I'm going to give you a few do's and don'ts when it comes to terminating relationships. This is a guide for terminating healthy, mostly high school and college dating relationships in which one person becomes unhappy and wants it to end. This does not apply to abusive or long distance relationships, marriages, friends with benefits, douche bags, idiots, or turtles. So let's get started, shall we?

Do's:

• Explain the situation your partner in a manner which is not offensive. 
• Be face to face with this person. Body language is key.
• Listen to your partner's side of things.
• Be open to getting help if the relationship is salvageable. 

And now for my favorite part, the don'ts. 

DON'T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE WHAT SO EVER:

• Offend your partner.
• Blame your partner.
• LAUGH at your partner.
• Leave you partner alone while he/she is crying.
• Make fun of your partner for becoming emotional
• Do it over a text or phone call. Again, body language is key..
• Do it in a large group of people.
• Do it during school.
• Do it between classes.
• Do it after a relative of theirs dies. 
• Do it while one or both of you are drunk/high.
• Do it during or after sex. 
• Immediately hit on one of their friends or relatives. 
• Use someone else as an excuse, especially when the person you're using rejected you almost seven months ago and for god's sake DOES NOT WANT YOU.
• Immediately ask what the homework was.
• Ask if their brother/sister is seeing anyone.
• Flirt with random strangers during the breaking up process. 
• Do it before they have a massive test. 

And most importantly, if the person you're breaking up with is a very good friend of mine..

don't you dare pull any of this shit in front of me. 

-

Bridget's deep question for today:

Are relationships these days actually about love? Or about status?