Bow before the relationship goddess!

How is it that a little girl can be diagnosed as "emotionally illiterate" for years and then suddenly at the glorious age of fifteen become 'the relationship goddess'?

The answer?
The 'emotionally illiterate' girl observes and listen to people complain about their shitty relationships, and tell people to do the exact opposite of whatever the shitty couple is doing. Then, take the stuff that works for the good couple and use it on the shitty couple. In return, the 'emotionally illiterate' girl learns about emotions and relationships and all that bullshit so she can attempt to keep up the ruse of being human. BEHOLD. A symbiotic, logical, relationship advice translation. Everybody's happy! For the most part.. There are a couple of exceptions. These exceptions are, but not limited to, people who are immensely stupid. 

I'm not talking about ditsy people who occasionally say something dumb but are generally fine OH NO.

I'm talking about people who say shit like "wait.. sooo... Iraq is in the US, right?" and "Waaaaait.. I get Arkansas and Scotland confused... Cuz likeee, if you're from Arkanas.. you're, like.. Irish, righttt?" which forces your entire HONORS ENGLISH class to take a basic geography quiz...

'murica frick yea!

It's people like this that make me the overly sarcastic bitch I am on a daily basis.

Snark is our last line of defense against the stupid..

Sarcastic people know what I'm talking about.

You know.

But I digress..

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that your 'boyfriend' is upset with you because you flirt with other guys right in front of him, refuse to be alone with him, never talk to him unless forced to, avoid going on any date whatsoever, and tell your friends, who are also his friends, about how you couldn't possibly tell your parents or 'overly protective' big brother because they'll be so mad at you..

Trust me. If a diagnosed 'emotionally illiterate' girl can figure it out by herself, there is something seriously wrong with you. But then again, you probably already know and are just playing dumb and innocent in a weak attempt to avoid facing the consequences of you being an insufferable harlot.


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Bridget's WORD of wisdom for today:  Stop.

-Bridget