Alto problems

As far as I am aware, I have a halfway decent singing voice. I could be wrong though, you never know. I do know that I certainly have a powerful voice. Runs in the family, trust me on this. My sister blew out her microphone her freshman year of high school singing in the school musical. I went through three in sixth grade simply by speaking! When I did get to high school I thought that chorus would be a fun experience and a good chance to improve myself.

What I got was assigned to the back of the band room and despite discovering my baritone to soprano 1 range being trapped in the alto section constantly singing the sketchiest harmonies. Meanwhile a young man with the voice of, I shit you not, an angel sliding down a rainbow riding on a unicorn made of sunshine covered in honey and diamonds, but only while he sings in his natural soprano range, trapped in the tenor section because "he's a boy".

So what exactly are "alto problems", Bridget?

Well, person who doesn't exist because that would require someone actually reading this and asking said question...

...Forever Alone.

Alto problems are, but absolutely not limited to, the following,

• shitty harmonies
• being forgotten
• shitty harmonies
• unappreciated by the rest of the chorus
• really shitty harmonies
• being insecure because you don't sound high and pretty like a soprano
• pretty shitty harmonies
• being forced to sing the man part when your soprano friends want to sing a duet from a musical
• not wanting to audition for solos because so many sopranos want it
• oh what's that? you want me to sing harmony? GODDAMN IT NOT AGAIN
• not wanting to audition or not being able to audition for solos because the part is too high and your jerk of a music teacher is prejudice and wont let you sing it an octave lower BECAUSE REASONS
• really, really, REALLY, shitty harmonies
• and last, but not least, never having the melody NO MATTER WHAT. That shit is for sops and occasionally the "menfolk."  

There are a couple of advantages and perks to being an alto. Some of these include, 

• being able to pull a C, D, or F out of nowhere. You need a middle C to deactivate the bomb, Mr. President? Guys, guys.. I've got this..
• being able to sing lower than most of the guys
• having that cool note at the end which causes the final chord to suddenly change from major to minor (or vice versa) 
• Christmas carols and other religious music is EPIC
• Jazz? No problems here!
• ADELE. 'nuff said

One of these days, ladies and gentlemen... 

One of these days..

I shall lead an alto rebellion. 

One of these days...

In chorus...

When it's least expected.. 

The section shall take a stand.

WE WILL GET THE MELODY!!! 

...

Yeah probably not..

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...

#altoproblems

-Bridget