I mean, I've also never had a pet turtle, but that doesn't mean I don't know about turtles. I like turtles.
Due to resent events in the future stand up comedy routine that is my life, I'm going to give you a few do's and don'ts when it comes to terminating relationships. This is a guide for terminating healthy, mostly high school and college dating relationships in which one person becomes unhappy and wants it to end. This does not apply to abusive or long distance relationships, marriages, friends with benefits, douche bags, idiots, or turtles. So let's get started, shall we?
Do's:
- Explain the situation your partner in a manner which is not offensive.
- Be face to face with this person. Body language is key.
- Listen to your partner's side of things.
- Be open to getting help if the relationship is salvageable.
And now for my favorite part, the don'ts.
DON'T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE WHAT SO EVER:
- Offend your partner.
- Blame your partner.
- LAUGH at your partner.
- Leave you partner alone while he/she is crying.
- Make fun of your partner for becoming emotional
- Do it over a text or phone call. Again, body language is key..
- Do it in a large group of people.
- Do it during school.
- Do it between classes.
- Do it after a relative of theirs dies.
- Do it while one or both of you are drunk/high.
- Do it during or after sex.
- Immediately hit on one of their friends or relatives.
- Use someone else as an excuse, especially when the person you're using rejected you almost seven months ago and for god's sake DOES NOT WANT YOU.
- Immediately ask what the homework was.
- Ask if their brother/sister is seeing anyone.
- Flirt with random strangers during the breaking up process.
- Do it before they have a massive test.
And most importantly, if the person you're breaking up with is a very good friend of mine..
don't you dare pull any of this shit in front of me.
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Bridget's deep question for today:
Are relationships these days actually about love? Or about status?
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